Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Giallo e Blau

A nude self portrait using blue and yellow gels over two 550ex speedlites in a loft hatch, flash sync cable and a Bronica ETRSi.  Set to ƒ8 pre-focusing and firing via the self timer.

Complimentary Colours


Sunday, 15 December 2013

The Swiss Cuckoo Clock Speech

From the lofty ferris wheel cabin observing the Viennese below Harry Lime ponders, then delivers the follow speech to his friend Holly Martins:

"You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

The Third Man, Graham Green - Directed by Carol Reed, 1949

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Malteser Challenge: How many can you put in your mouth without eating them¿

This challenge is more difficult than it first appears.  Being quite stoic, i'm not for shirking these occasions, especially when being provoked by two other competitors insinuating that they will beat me.  This stirs a deep emotion, forcing me to prove them wrong.  Childish, very, but aren't most things?  If it wasn't childish it would not be fun; as long as i win, of course.

My two contenders for the crown of 'Biggest Gob' were Louise (Tough as 'Fork Handles') Hardwick 31, and Luke (Northern Beauty) Booty 27, both body builders.  They like to think of themselves as tough and competitive, with youth on their side may be a touch of naive confidence.  When i said "i'm gonna win", they mocked me.  Well that just spurred me on even more.  What do these youngsters know about winning, this was going to be easy.

Scott Phillipson equally dispersed the large bag of Maltesers on the three plates whilst we prepared ourselves with sledging jousts.  The aim was to see who was able to place as many Maltesers in their mouths without eating them.  Everyone had surmised about 30, but after investigating my own facial cavity I estimated 40 would be adequate, and was promptly laughed at, "I have a big mouth" I exclaimed.

A few deep breaths, a last look and "Go" was energetically barked.  Grabbing two handfuls of chocolate covered honeycomb balls I thrust them in my gob, plenty more room available.  Another two handfuls claimed and I passed 30, turning to my left the challengers were struggling to find room for 15.  Easy, too easy. There were only 17 more Maltesers on the plate I selected and deposited ten more to reach 40.  After 36, space was becoming a premium, time to utilise my squirrel pouches.  By now the chocolate was starting to melt, the honeycomb collapsing.  There were a few strategic holes available to breath and i could feel them moving down my throat.  Ah, more space.  Forty!  I had done it, achieve the level set at the start.  All good sports people need goals to be set and achieved, it is how we improve.

The final seven Antipodean airy spheres now presented me with a challenge.  More so than the cackling figures next to me. Where to put them was the question.  The only crevasses that i could find were under my cheeks and lips.  The final sphere only contained 11 calories, it couldn't be that hard amongst laughing competitors.   Forcing the last ball in, arms aloft in celebration it then dawned on me that i had just created a solid lump of honeycombed chocolate which i could neither swallow or extract.  Breathing was becoming more difficult, the solidifying sugar cement was now started to block my airways, i had no choice.  I started pulling out lumps and finally it was over.  I had won.

Friday, 6 December 2013

Father Ted & Jack - Feck, Arse, Girls, Drink and More

Hilarious from Father Jack at 03:50

Ted: “Where did you get the air freshener?”
Jack: “Car”
Jack: “Drive the Car”
Ted: “Have you been drinking?
Jack: “Yeeaaas”
Ted: “Where did you drive?:”
Jack: “Shop”

Superb, just superb.

Thursday, 5 December 2013


Defiance - Phil Richardson
Phil Richardson
A composite image from May 2005 at St Peter & St Paul Church, Little Gaddesden.  The subject (me) photographed in a studio (Little Gaddesden village hall) using one softbox on white roll paper (Black would have been easier if i had a roll) and the background in low evening light at the church.

A green paper roll could be used as it is easy to chroma-key against, add black card for shadowing. In Photoshop afterwards apply dodging and burning, using levels to add colour and flatten for outside light.  Personally i prefer to use a desaturated layer to remove some colour.  

The figure has a slightly yellowish tinge and the background more green.  The background has had some selective dodging and flattening applied but little else.  You will need to need to trim the figure and darken the edges, to enhance the shadows further. 

Monday, 2 December 2013

Are vampirestat and 7secretsearch altering your stats?

Who are vampirestat.com and 7secretsearch.com?  They seem to generate the most traffic on my blog post when they are posted.  They are also clearly in the US of A, what is the point of them and why does google not ban them?  Both are in the USA and Blogger/Google must be able to see them and as they are of no benefit to me or you, why are they there?  I don't want them to refer from my site to theirs if they are going cause problems for users.  Surely it would better to have them screened from your blog and the real visitor numbers revealed, that way you are able to judge the popularity of posts and if it is worth put up similar articles.

Having researched this previously and found them to be only refer links it seems that they do you no harm unless you click on the links, so don't click on the links.  But that is missing the point, they are altering your blog stats.





Google are simply don't care about this issue, so are they making money from them?