Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Six of Me, One of You

Don't date a photographer.

50 Reasons not to date a Photographer
  1. They rather hold their bulky camera, than hold hands with you.
  2. On a romantic date, you’ll watch the sun go down and think “Wow this is gorgeous” and they’ll go “mirror lock, tripod, and stop down f/8 at 1/125.”
  3. You’ll never be able to enjoy tv, movies, or magazines because they’ll point out all the visual flaws.
  4. They like to sit in obscure coffee shop and voyeuristically watch people for great lengths of time.
  5. If you’re taking a walk outside and you come across some “interesting light” they will make you sit/stand/pose in public so that they can take a photo.
  6. You’ll never get to enjoy freshly cooked meals because they’ll spend 15 minutes taking 20 variations of the same dish with their iPhone.
  7. They get angry when your friends go up to them and say “I am interested in photography, can you recommend a good camera for me?  Nothing professional I just want to take pretty pictures.”
  8. You’ll wait longer for them to finish analyzing art in a museum than you’ll wait at the dmv
  9. Same goes with old used bookstores.
  10. When you think they’re giving you their undivided attention, they’re really wondering how they could fix you with a little Clone Tool and Patch Tool.
  11. Or they are actually using you to not look so creepy as they people watch everything going on around you.
  12. They rather drop $1,000+ on new glass than a purse for you. 
  13. You can’t take a photo with them without taking at least five more.
  14. If you ask them if you look fat, they’ll say “don’t worry I can photoshop you later.”
  15. They’ll never photoshop something simple for you if the content is not up to their “standards.”
  16. That photo they randomly took of you yesterday?  Good luck getting them to send it to you.
  17. They spend all their time on the computer (and not for porn.)
  18. They can’t have a normal conversation with throwing acronyms and random numbers.
  19. They still use film cameras.
  20. They spend a lot of time with people cooler than you i.e. models, actors, musicians, successful rich people.
  21. They’ll be fussy over the position of a common household object, like a coffee cup.
  22. They won’t return your calls or text messages, but you can bet they’re still posting pics on Instagram.
  23. They like watching old films that you’ve never heard or will ever understand.
  24. They like looking at weird things in general.
  25. Instead of having penis-envy, they have camera-gear-envy.
  26. If there’s a natural disaster in a far away land, they’re already on a plane going over there.
  27. Everything is watermarked.
  28. They think everyone else’s photos suck.
  29. They want to color correct a lot of scenes from Twilight and Jersey Shore.
  30. They hate rainbows, especially ones spinning in a circle.
  31. Whenever you’re in a group talking and the conversation goes deep, they’re taking notes in some form of Moleskine.
  32. They use over priced Moleskine notebooks.
  33. They like trespassing into old abandoned buildings filled with health hazards.
  34. They always want to show a new photo they took, but don’t really care if you like it or not.
  35. They hate your n00bie friend’s new artsy profile picture.
  36. Bright, sunny days make them sad, but cloudy, overcast days are apparently great!
  37. They’ll take you into places that have “culture” as well a high chance of getting mugged.
  38. Your birthday present will be a portrait that they’ve taken of you.
  39. You can’t go anywhere new without them stopping to take a photo of everything and anything.
  40. They will always bug you to be a test subject.
  41. Nothing can ever be naturally pretty, everything must be fixed in Photoshop.
  42. Bringing their camera means, bringing 50lbs of equipment.
  43. If you break any of their things on accident, you’ll owe them thousands of dollars.
  44. You can’t get them a birthday/Christmas present without spending at least $500
  45. They are natural hoarders, collecting and keeping piles of old newspapers, packaging, magazines, and other things that “inspire” them.
  46. They are weird and geeky.
  47. They have hard drives of photos, but probably have printed 10 images.
  48. They are always secretly judging your creativity.
  49. If you’re ever in auto mode, they laugh at you.
  50. They orgasm every time they learn a new lighting technique

I think all but four of these relate to me, and i am sure i could find some photos on my hard drive (won't be any printed on the wall) to prove it.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

A Chocolate Boat

As a child what would you have given to have  had a boat made of chocolate?


Click on the links to see Chocolatier Georges Larnicol's 3.5m chocolate boat sail from Concarneau, Finistère, in Brittany .

Aparently he plans a 12m boat with mast for this year.

http://www.france-today.com/2010/09/georges-larnicol-sets-sail-in-chocolate.html

http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2011/09/26/chocolate-boats-race-in-france-video/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11413103

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Does your body need an MOT?

If so then you will probably need an Osteopath, give Samantha Sullivan at call at Hemel Osteopathic Practice.


Both Samantha and Chris Sullivan are professional and experienced Osteopaths recognised by all major insurance companies and registered with the General Osteopathic Council.

If you have back ache, neck strain, shoulder stiffness, muscular and joint issues all gain from age, work or sport related activities then contact them.  They will not only repair your discomforts but help to prevent future problems.

If i can still run around playing football at 38 with almost the same vigour as if i was 21 then a large part of that is due to the treatment received from Sam at HOP.

http://hemelosteopaths.co.uk/

Their new blog
http://hemelosteopaths.blogspot.com/

Do you feel like treating yourself?

If so contact Alison Richardson at Pure Therapy, based in Berkhamsted for a Massage, Back Neck and Shoulders, Indian Head Massage, Aromatherapy, Hot Stones, Facials and many more luxury treatments.

http://www.pure-therapy.co.uk/treatments/

Also read her blog about how to stay healthy and look after yourself.

http://pure-therapy.blogspot.com/